Life Opens us to FEEL

When I was a kid, I was a tyrant to my world. My siblings received my wrath regularly starting with (an attempt at) pulling my newborn sister out of her crib when I was only 18 months old. As I got older, the intensity of impact on my world only increased.

But there are some adults out there who guide children in the way that the spirit of life would have it. Life opens us to feel, and there have been adults in eldership roles during my childhood who played a key role in my development by providing a greater experience of feeling. I am very thankful for each of these wise souls who crossed and blessed this path.

When I was about 6, I had become fond of throwing my brother into the drywall of my house, sometime hard enough to crack it. My parents were obviously perplexed as to what to do, but I’m sure after some contemplation, my Abba decided to help me feel. He gave me a (much gentler) taste of what I had been doing to my brother, without anger, as impersonally as the blowing of wind. My shoulder impacted the wall and the synapses of my adolescent brain suddenly made connections I never had before: “This actually feels like something.” Prior to that my siblings registered only as inanimate objects to be toyed with like my stuffed animals.

Later in my pre-teen years a neighbor adjacent to us was keeping bees in his yard, and sometimes they would become aggressive towards us on our property as we played. Once we identified their source, a little crate hive just on the other side of the 6ft fence, we fought back: with rocks, sticks, oranges, or any other projectile we could find. The owner noticed.

He was a Hispanic man with a ghoti and wiry-asian-like black hair. We called him “Chewy,” and there was a fair amount of superstition and fear dividing more than just a brick wall between us. “Hey Kids!” he yelled one day well into our anti-bee campaign. We coward, ready to flee. He shook his head, disarming us, indicating we weren’t in trouble. “Come here!” He waved, “I want to show you something.”

We were on his wall, and now by invitation our feet touched soil on his side of the yard for the first time. We crossed the 50 yard storage of motorcycles and other small motorized devices and their related periphery. I cowered again, now even more aware that I only stood shoulder height to him. “Come inside,” he repeated in a more friendly tone, “I want to show you something.” Would we ever return? It was too late. We were in too deep and if this would get us off the hook than so be it.

Inside the house of a man named Chewy, he opened a large jar of golden liquid. “Taste this,” he said. A clean spoon was in my hand, golden on one end. Its sticky sweet flavor was familiar, but never this vivid. “This is was those bees are making out there. Respect their work.” The point was well delivered! Chewy gave us something to chew on, literally!!

Now its payback time. My son Josiah is nearly 6, acting in many ways that mirror my foggy memories of myself. His pattern recently has been to tell people he hates them when something happens he doesn’t like. This is a step up from the more destructive things that have happened. Some consequences included the usual regime, but there tends to be eternal impasse with children until they can be somehow made to FEEL. I came home from work to stories of another incident. This time it was fresh, within 20 mins in the past and it was time for me to act. I called my son over and our sweet little neighbor who he often plays with. This toe-headed ballerina will likely grow up to be the poster-image of his dream girl when he is grown and they get along well.

I called the two near each other but not before whispering in her ear to do me a favor and tell Josiah that she hates him. She complied, shyly, whispering sweetly in his ear smiling all the while. Then she wisely stepped two paces back. She knows my son well.

How does that make you feel, Josiah? “Like I want to punch her in the face,” he stammered. I then made all the connections to what had just happened towards his teacher a few minutes earlier. “I was just angry because I was having fun and didn’t want to leave. I don’t hate my teacher.” “Okay, well, there is someone who needs to hear that now. Let’s go talk to her.”

I thanked our little neighbor and “de-roled” having them hug. And we went to have a conversation to make amends that was probably long overdue, and not possible without an experience of the ability to FEEL.


Anything that is real is found in relationship.

If it has not,

If it builds not,

The power to connect,

Neither my life,

Nor those around,

Have any meaning.


Learn to say yes,

Think yes, in anticipation,

Of the question yet unasked.


Living to fulfill the prayer of others

Do I cease to exist?

With such availability,

To what is said “No?”


A yes to my brother,

Is a yes to my prayer,

And a NO,

To the illusion

Of Separation.

Bottom-line Responsibility

(Note to new readers:  This heartfelt expression is dedicated in the form of devotional prayer, the lower part of myself expressing towards the highest Self, the Divine One, and is offered in the prayer that it may touch and inspire connection with the Divine within you.  The original recording can be heard by clicking the link below.  Newsletter subscribers may hear the audio online by clicking on the title of this post.)

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Heavenly Father, your presence in the midst of the lamb fills me with so much joy.  My heart is opening again.  My ability to love, to trust myself, and to trust people in the positions of leadership around me are being restored in this moment.

Heavenly Father,  I am deeply meditating upon the insight that following a virtue is in many ways like being an artist and appreciating art.

When I was a teenager, I would spend my time on the weekend helping my Dad at his folk-dancing club as cash registrar, and I would pass the time by doing colored pencils drawings of usually of dolphins in ocean scenes or outer-space scenes.  People would often comment, “Oh, you’re such a good artist.”  At first, I was just gracious and said “thank you,” but as this pattern continued over and over I started thinking more about what this means that people were praising me for being an artist.  And finally my reply came as “Everyone’s an artist.  Everyone is beautiful in something that they do.”

On one of my drawings I put the words inspiring me at that moment, which were, “Look beyond to see that we are nothing.”  Look beyond to see that we are nothing.  This was poetry on my part, and yet they are words that, in the spirit of the song “Dust in the Wind,” convey something of our eternal nature when we let go of forms.

When I would write things like this people would often say “What does that mean?”  And my reply was:  “Whatever it means to you, is what it means,” even though I had my own idea.  Similarly with things like the Rorschach ink blot test, every person sees something in the pattern of their own mind in response to their world, and in many ways it’s similar to the appreciation of and the creation of ART.  And I’m seeing this in the realm of virtue also now.

Recently in the Sunrise Ranch Community, Emissaries of Divine Light Ministry, there is a leadership program and in this program there’s a huge emphasis on Eldership, learning how to be a leader.  There is tremendous pressure to be a person who can accept bottom-line responsibility for our world.  This is huge, and yet, what does it mean?  It is being pushed so heavily and directly by the leaders of this program and it is opening this place up in me, Father, this place of trust of myself and of my leader.  Yet, what does it mean?  How do I apply it?

There are some direct steps that I can take in this moment, and yet, no specific guidance is given.  How do I apply this?  It is an art.

The art of application of virtue, is a matter of perception, action, perception, action.  And yet the realm of applying virtue in daily life cannot be achieved without trust.  We have to trust ourselves, and we have to trust the people in positions of leadership.

There is a way to see strong leadership as a gift of energy.  No matter whether we agree with leadership or not, no matter how angry it makes us, no matter how unclear it is – there is a way to perceive it as energy.  There was one time in a leadership session where I was rebuked for doing something creative, and afterwards we were presented with a teaching from Uranda regarding “Faith in People.”  That theme really applies to this faith in leadership and earning the faith of others.

After hearing this teaching, Father, I cried and cried in repentance to thee – around my attitudes towards people and made the promise to you that I would never use the extended capacities of my potential to ever put someone else down or make them feel “less than.”  And now, here I am on the opposite end of that promise, being presented with the opportunity to take bottom-line responsibility for my world and thus earn the faith of others.  Earn their trust, earn their respect, but none of it is possible without trust:  trust in myself and trust in those in a role of leadership.  Those roles of leadership I have accepted into my life for very specific reasons.  If I have accepted a person of leadership into my life and not trusting them, I am wasting my time.

One of my classmates who had seen the genuine flow of tears and sincere repentance following this teaching thought that I was crying because of the rebuke of the director of the program.  My reply to her was:  “Does a leaf cry when the wind blows?”    It is such a great thought.  It is such a great image for not taking things personally.  It is such a great image for receiving fully the energy of leadership and being nurtured by it.

Yet when it is time to take bottom-line responsibility for our world, the verb “to take” is very appropriate, because no one is going to give it to you, no one can give you responsibility unless you take it.  And whether someone gives it to you or not, it is yours to take.

In the book by Robert Bly, the story of Iron John, one of the key parts of that story is that the little boy who has been interacting with Iron John, his true power, his true sovereignty as a divine being – he has been interacting with him but yet Iron John has been in a cage.  That cage has been imposed by his parents, by civilization, to keep order and the little boy wants his ball back, he wants his joy, he wants his love, he wants his life back.  He may be a grownup little boy now, without any joy and Iron John, his true self, is in the cage, powerful, covered in hair.

Iron John says he will give the boy his ball if only he sets him free.  The key that he needs is under his mother’s pillow, but he can’t ask them for it – he has to steal it.  This is a necessary part of his becoming his true self and accepting his true power, to steal something out from underneath his mother’s pillow.  His mother represents all the nice things about him, and there comes a time in one’s development of leadership where being nice just doesn’t work anymore.

We need to take bottom-line responsibility because it is ours to takeThose parts of ourselves that are nice can couch them for a while, but the joy in our life is gone unless we have the capacity to embrace all of ourselves.

We are very lucky to live in this physical world where communication can flow between people of very different consciousness, but in the invisible world, the realm of vibration that is not the case.  When we no longer have this body as a tool, communicating with unlike minds is impossible just as different channels of a radio station are independent of each other.

Heavenly Father, I am very grateful for this physical body and for this world, that I may learn from enlightened thinkers who have left behind stories such as Iron John, who have left behind these clues to our development before departing into higher realms of enlightenment and wisdom.  I am very thankful, Father, for these stories and for the wisdom of the saints and sages of the world, that they have left behind clues to their own development and thus nurturing the spiritual evolution of humanity before departing into their higher consciousness, into those places that I cannot reach.  I am thankful for their stories, Father, I am thankful for Iron John and how that story has affected the men’s movement in the world.

Heavenly Father, in thy spirit I am moved.  I am moved in trust of thee.  I am so moved in trust of myself.  I am so moved in trust of the leadership which I have accepted into my life, just as a leaf is moved by the wind.  It is so joyful to receive energy in the form of guidance from those who I trust, and may it be so that I may take bottom-line responsibility and that I may have the same joy in applying the winds of spirit to reform this world.


Ghost Ship

I dreamt last night that I was hired to help manage a “special project.”  I spent some time with extended family before leaving on the adventure and enjoyed meeting some distant relatives I had never met or spent much time with before.  Finally, it was time to depart.

I arrived on the ship one balmy day, wondering what my assignment was.  The ship was iconic:  grey, darkly lit in most places, torn down in many places, but still running well and fully staffed.   No one on the ship seemed to take a superior attitude towards me, so I guessed they regarded me as captain.  Still, they seemed to know how to do their jobs without my help.  I couldn’t figure out why I was there.

The next day it happened.  Some men came running up to me in alarm, a problem was unfolding in a section of the ship, usually sealed off, that I hadn’t seen yet.  We crossed through the now unsealed portal, and there was a huge commotion.  All the attention centered around a man, normally looking except for the scruffy hair and face that was common at sea, but he started becoming more and more agitated.  The men around him were doing their best to calm him down and move him farther away from the door to the main part of the sealed wing, which really angered the scruffy fellow.  The host of security detail seemed to know how important their role was, so I let them continue.  Then at a certain point, like the striking of a match, everything shifted intensity.

Like the Hulk, the scruffy man transformed into a giant and busted through 4 aisle-ways that used to be separated by book cases.  It was now “showtime” for me to take over and I followed the aberration and the brave guards tagged behind me.  I had expected them to leave at that point, but they stayed right behind and coordinated their own teams around us as well.  We did our best to keep up with the monster as it zigzagged through the sealed wing.  Then, as abruptly as he climaxed in intensity, he dropped out of it again, seemingly himself.

What was going on?  I got full details about these aberrants who were sealed on this ship.  They followed exactly this pattern of climax and return to normalcy.  In fact, that was the only reason this ship even existed.  It was a floating quarantine.  And there were more of him.

It was all becoming clear, and yet they were looking to me to find a solution.  I wasn’t a psychiatrist.  I wasn’t an exorcist.  I was just myself, and yet they needed and trusted me.

A resonant voice boomed from my chest and throat.  “Let the man be put in a tank of ocean water.”  The water was near freezing, a shiver of dread passed through the officers in my presence.  They thought I was exterminating the man, and he apparently did too and welcomed the prospect.  “Finally!” He seemed to think.

The man entered the icy tank.  It was 10 feet cubed and had observation windows on one end.  The water then filled 7 feet of it so he had to swim, but he had plenty of room to breathe.  We watched and waited for the man to draw to an end in hypothermia or worse, but just the opposite happened.

The man was exuberant.  He explained that in the cold he was free from agitation.  His body, he said, must have been operating at such a high rate and temperature that he was on overload all the time.  The cold was his only relief in years and years.  He wished he could drown in it, but now that he lived and found relief for the first time, he wanted to return to the icy tank again and again.

Experiments were done on the rest of the aberrations with the same result.  This brought order to the ship because it cured the explosive episodes that they had left port to shelter society from, but the “patients” demanded more.  The icy temperatures felt like room temperature to them and they were exceedingly comfortable.  Upon return, they craved it immensely – perhaps like a drug – or perhaps because they found a new home in the experience of life that matched them.

The sealed wing underwent a transformation.  By some mechanism, the temperature was reduced in there to sub-zero.  Ice-crystals formed on every thing including the floors, walls, beds, windows.  The windows no longer functioned, so they were removed from every non-essential place.   The aberrants numbered more than 50 and, much like the deaf-community, started to really get to know each other now that they were “home” in this temperature range.  Their skin had ice crystals on them and shone like a garment weaved from 5 carat diamonds in the light.  They were returned to their humanity, no longer monsters in their own minds, and struggling to create meaning and sense of it all through their relationships with each other.

Then one day it happened.  I could feel an explosive rage building in myself every time I returned from visiting the “Ice lepers” as the crew called them.  I was afraid of myself when I came “to the surface” as the ice-people called it.  And now it was time for me to “take a bath” to see if it helped.

I dove in the icy tank, which now expanded to be the size of an Olympic pool.  The icy waters calmed my own agitation now and an inner warmth now sustained me in its icy presence instead of consuming me up above.  Shock mixed with the sudden relief.  I felt both like an abomination and a super-hero.  How was it possible I could like this?  That I could live in this range of temperatures and in the world of normal people?  Yet I wouldn’t be returning to the surface any time soon.  I was way too comfortable here, and went to join my new diamond-clad friends.

Energize the Soul of Humanity

The mind independent, unrooted in spirit for its functioning, is like a boat drifting at sea without a sail.

That which is unforgettable only exists because it has touched the level of the soul.

The soul is not that which needs saving, the soul is that which saves!

The whirling voices of duality never cease, until they rest in their true home of spirit.

That which serves silent efficiency, truth, goodness & beauty also serves the soul – for it stirs the giant from slumber to remembrance.

The greatest souls are those least identifiable, lost in the depth & breadth of radiant service to their fields.

Let your soul speak, let it serve, let it create, let it guide.

Let it land fully in your feet, heart, hands & crown shining golden round about.

An Inside Job: Spiritual Muscles you’ll never use unless you try

There are muscle tissues in the body, which generally do not get used with external exertion, and also which are closely associated with the soul-body connection.  These muscles are important to stimulate and keep engaged, from the inside out, since they are so critical to the sovereign spiritual function over form and to the way one relates in the world.

From top to bottom, here is my list so far:

Behind the ears: pull the ears back towards each other.  This will raise the hairline a millimeter or so and open the crown of light to radiate into the world.

The face: how difficult is it to smile?  Perhaps one isn’t exercising those muscles enough?  The reason one smiles so easily after a dentist appointment is not so much due to their scraping instruments, but due to the effort it takes to keep the mouth open and yet relaxed.  Take a few moments whenever you are alone to open your mouth as wide as possible and pull those smiling muscles way back to their fullest, then relax, resting in warmth, grace and peace.  Try the same thing with your mouth closed.  Pull the edges of your smile as far east and west as they will go!!!  Use your fingers to assist and get a good stretch on the tissues of the lips.  Relax and see how much more easily the smiling muscles can engage without all that tension.

The tongue:  The tongue is exciting sexually not only for its physical features, but also for its energetic role as an important conduit of energy. Contact with the roof of the mouth (and even higher places if you can imagine the tongue acrobatics of that feat) provides integration at higher levels.

The top of the neck: Focus your energy in your neck.  Slowly add tension until your head starts to vibrate at the juncture of the cervical spine and the base of the cranium, then slowly turn down the tension, but don’t relax completely.  Go back and forth between vibrating with tension and the point where the physical shaking has become still until you reach a place where the neck is charged with energy, yet supple and able to move in any direction without hindrance.  This will auto-stimulate the ears and face again and slow the breath to a peaceful, ocean-like lull.

Lats: Almost everyone in the world wears their shoulders too high and usually one higher then the other.  My left shoulder is the one that is higher so I start there.  Using your lats, pull your higher shoulder down to the floor as far as it will go tilting the rest of the torso diagonally.  Flex the lat as tight as it can until is coalesces into a tight mass and hold, then engage the lat on the other side, pulling the other shoulder down to meet it.   Keep the lats engaged throughout the day until they are strong enough to unconsciously hold your shoulders down where they need to be – out of the way of the neck.  Notice that the sides of the neck have tightened to accommodate high shoulders and will need to be stretched.

Back of the heart: Raise the arms over your head, then pinch your shoulder blades back together as though the back of your shoulders wanted to touch each other and slowly lower your arms with your hands always staying behind the head.  When you’ve reached the bottom of how far down your arms can go in this position.  Raise and lower your elbows, always keeping your hands approximately 3-5″ behind your head without touching it.  Feel the burn in the muscles that pull the shoulders back together until fatigued, then relax them by engaging the lats again as described above, relaxing the arms down.   Now go back and forth between relaxing, engaging the lats, then engaging the back of the heart, doing so each time with less and less energy, until you can keep them activated and engaged with soul-energy no matter what kind of motion your torso is doing.

Front of the heart: There is a muscle in your chest that can tilt the top of the sternum inward towards the body.  This activates the endocrine center here that rules the heart chakra, the thymus.  Pull the top of the sternum inward, and together with the lats and the back of the heart, feel your vibrational “wings” extend to the sides and behind.  Open your heart in front of you, expanding large enough to encompass at least this planet if not more.

Navel/Solar Plexus: Engage your abdomen first by pulling in the navel just below the belly button.  There is a tiny muscle here that will pull it in only a millimeter or so.  Tense, hold and relax this muscle until you are very familiar with it, then add the rest of the abdomen until the bottom of the ribs are pulled downward to their cupped, resting position.  Relax and repeat until these muscles are not stiff but rather charged with soul-energy in any position.

Sacrum-Spinal Fluid: If you’ve never been to a network chiropractor, it may be a bit difficult to understand the nature of this spinal muscle phenomenon.  The doctors call these “psycho-somatic waves,” and they can be induced in infants as well as animals.  They are undulations of the spine that occur quite naturally and easily in a healthy body.  They originate in the back of the navel (base of the spine) when the sacrum is activated.  The sacrum represents a tremendous storehouse of energy that is the energetic source of all sexuality and spiritual awakening.  Activate the sacrum.  I can’t tell you how exactly.  The network chiropractors do it by giving the bottom of the sacrum (tip of the tailbone) a scratch-like stroke upward towards the head.  Try this in the shower when soaping up and see how the spine can react sometimes by undulating spontaneously.  This undulation, in my experience, is a dolphin-like “swimming” in consciousness, lifting the seat of the soul upward to the higher centers of the heart, through the neck and out the crown.  Swim home, my fair one, and learn to use the spine for its true purpose.

Floor of the pelvis (anus, et al): When I was in junior high school a public health group aimed at reducing incontinence among the future elderly of the world came into our science class and taught the 13-year-olds how to do Kiegel exercises, that is, the flexing of the anus.  Soon after learning  and working with this exercise, I found that if I timed my breathing to it, I could spontaneously induce “chills” all over my body which were very soothing and peaceful.  There are other very subtle muscles in this area as well which are very important, one of which is a muscle that governs the position of the testicles.  You can consciously pull the gonads in closer to the body in various intervals to access ranges of energy contained therein.

After going completely through the “inner” body, try and keep all of these engaged throughout the day!!!!

Open Your Ears

Live with celebration and a state of awe, not just for what is happening, but for who is present,

Let the ears be open, a vacuum for divine sustenance that can nourish you to the core.

Everything a person does & says is to fulfill their own, personal, deep needs,

Every word from the mouth of the father nourishes His children when their ears are open.

Keep your ears open!!!  They can be used for so much more than you ever imagined.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil – for that which enters into the heart is given directly to the soul,

Silence drinks, silence speaks, silence guides & is fully alive for those who bring balance to the world.


I dreamt last night that I was simultaneously with people from a synagogue and people from other spiritual organizations, but somehow they were all together and unified in purpose.  A rabbi and a 4 people sat around a table doing a Torah study.  I watched them for a long time before approaching, which I was resisting, but couldn’t help doing.  “May I join you briefly?” I asked, finally drawn to an empty chair and noticing that they were starting to pack up.  The rabbi responded enigmatically:  “Who sits down, you?  Or your creditors?”  “Obviously, I am the one who is here,”  I replied.

A bearded man to my left graciously explained:  “What the rabbi means by creditors are the airs that one takes on to make oneself feel or appear more worthy than they really are in presence of others.”  What an amazing teacher, I thought.  I hadn’t even sat down, and this rabbi had somehow downloaded an entire hour of study into a single interaction.  “Thank you for sharing this valuable lesson, Rabbi!”  I said to him directly, “I get it!”  Then I woke up.


Finding joy in an attitude of selflessness,

Yet if the habits of self-care are lacking, it is no one else’s fault!

Owning the frailties of humanity, stand with the glory of Being,

Hidden within the bland camouflage of normalcy

lies a feral, wildly radiant being longing to declare itself.

Happiness can’t be lived if dismissed as fantasy,

It manifests in each step towards the happiness of others.

“Service to” & “Service with” are as opposite as night & day,

Don’t serve God; don’t serve people – serve with them.

“Service to” is compulsory, dogmatic and inevitably leads to hierarchy and oppression,

“Service with” is co-creative, unique Beings fully themselves, fully together

And simply being fully present, keen to the call of each others prayer, they serve selflessly

with purpose entwined.

Divine Guidance

More than an idea, more than a map in the wilderness, divine guidance is complete synchronicity with all that is.

The apple & the eye both need a place to meet. What it sees – for better or for worse – the apple becomes.

Words spoken from a self-defeating heart betray their master. Those from a heart of purity bring peace to the world.

Let THE WAY be open. May the path be straight, letting divine guidance rest surely underfoot.

Guidance cannot be received without faith in the perfection of now. Such faith emerges from a little trusting smile that sees all as it is.

Thus, awareness leads to praise.  Praise leads to faith.  Faith leads to guidance; and guidance opens the way.