When I was a kid, I was a tyrant to my world. My siblings received my wrath regularly starting with (an attempt at) pulling my newborn sister out of her crib when I was only 18 months old. As I got older, the intensity of impact on my world only increased.

But there are some adults out there who guide children in the way that the spirit of life would have it. Life opens us to feel, and there have been adults in eldership roles during my childhood who played a key role in my development by providing a greater experience of feeling. I am very thankful for each of these wise souls who crossed and blessed this path.

When I was about 6, I had become fond of throwing my brother into the drywall of my house, sometime hard enough to crack it. My parents were obviously perplexed as to what to do, but I’m sure after some contemplation, my Abba decided to help me feel. He gave me a (much gentler) taste of what I had been doing to my brother, without anger, as impersonally as the blowing of wind. My shoulder impacted the wall and the synapses of my adolescent brain suddenly made connections I never had before: “This actually feels like something.” Prior to that my siblings registered only as inanimate objects to be toyed with like my stuffed animals.

Later in my pre-teen years a neighbor adjacent to us was keeping bees in his yard, and sometimes they would become aggressive towards us on our property as we played. Once we identified their source, a little crate hive just on the other side of the 6ft fence, we fought back: with rocks, sticks, oranges, or any other projectile we could find. The owner noticed.

He was a Hispanic man with a ghoti and wiry-asian-like black hair. We called him “Chewy,” and there was a fair amount of superstition and fear dividing more than just a brick wall between us. “Hey Kids!” he yelled one day well into our anti-bee campaign. We coward, ready to flee. He shook his head, disarming us, indicating we weren’t in trouble. “Come here!” He waved, “I want to show you something.”

We were on his wall, and now by invitation our feet touched soil on his side of the yard for the first time. We crossed the 50 yard storage of motorcycles and other small motorized devices and their related periphery. I cowered again, now even more aware that I only stood shoulder height to him. “Come inside,” he repeated in a more friendly tone, “I want to show you something.” Would we ever return? It was too late. We were in too deep and if this would get us off the hook than so be it.

Inside the house of a man named Chewy, he opened a large jar of golden liquid. “Taste this,” he said. A clean spoon was in my hand, golden on one end. Its sticky sweet flavor was familiar, but never this vivid. “This is was those bees are making out there. Respect their work.” The point was well delivered! Chewy gave us something to chew on, literally!!

Now its payback time. My son Josiah is nearly 6, acting in many ways that mirror my foggy memories of myself. His pattern recently has been to tell people he hates them when something happens he doesn’t like. This is a step up from the more destructive things that have happened. Some consequences included the usual regime, but there tends to be eternal impasse with children until they can be somehow made to FEEL. I came home from work to stories of another incident. This time it was fresh, within 20 mins in the past and it was time for me to act. I called my son over and our sweet little neighbor who he often plays with. This toe-headed ballerina will likely grow up to be the poster-image of his dream girl when he is grown and they get along well.

I called the two near each other but not before whispering in her ear to do me a favor and tell Josiah that she hates him. She complied, shyly, whispering sweetly in his ear smiling all the while. Then she wisely stepped two paces back. She knows my son well.

How does that make you feel, Josiah? “Like I want to punch her in the face,” he stammered. I then made all the connections to what had just happened towards his teacher a few minutes earlier. “I was just angry because I was having fun and didn’t want to leave. I don’t hate my teacher.” “Okay, well, there is someone who needs to hear that now. Let’s go talk to her.”

I thanked our little neighbor and “de-roled” having them hug. And we went to have a conversation to make amends that was probably long overdue, and not possible without an experience of the ability to FEEL.

Winter is a good time for inside work:  spiritual reflections, cleaning out the house, and… board game nights!!!!

My kids, neighbors and I just finished a complete game of monopoly in under 2 hours!!!!!

How is this possible? By setting up the game at its climax and playing the downward spiral!!

Here is the setup:

• Distribute the standard allotment of cash to each player (total $1500)
• Sort all 28 properties in color order from highest to lowest value, ending with railroads and finally utilities
• Divide the 28 properties one per player until they run out.  No need to buy houses or hotels, all properties collect Hotel-style rent right off the bat.  No need to have all three colors to cash in mad money.
• Distribute the 11 token markers evenly among the players.  This fills up the board with pieces to maximize the chances that your properties will collect (and the chances that you will pay up).  If there are only 3 or less players, using 3 markers each will work.
• When a player goes out, all his money and property goes to the player whose property he landed on.  If there are 4 or more players, continue redistributing the ousted player’s token markers so that mad rent is being collected.
• Play continues until there is one player left or by counting up winnings and property as time allows.
• 2 hours is the average time to complete in this style, but it can be shorter as the odds may go against a player early.

Lots of fun!

Josiah and I hiked and we both learned a very powerful lesson today. Here is part I of our conversations on character building recorded digitally during the outing.   Words in quotes are from Josiah, and those without are my own:

We came up to the earth sanctuary and I let you lead,  and what was the rule?

“To only go as far as I can see you, but you didn’t.”

I didn’t?  Oh yeah, that part changed because we got to our resting place.

Then we got to our resting place and what was the rule?  Be patient with finding your “car.”

Two more rules after we arrived:  You could go wherever you want as long as you can see the “sanctuary,” and only tell me stories about imaginary bad guys after you – “after a bad guy teaches me a lesson.”  That’s right!  That’s right.

What happened when you were patient with finding your car?  “It taught me a lesson.”

What did it teach you?  “It taught me that waiting is a good thing.”  That’s right, and what is waiting called when you are doing something while you are waiting?  “Patience.”  Patience, yeah, it means you never give up.

Your determination will never give up, and your heart will sing to what you want and it will find you when you have that kind of determination.

What happened when you did that?  “I felt safe.”  You felt safe, and what did you find?  “My car.” You found your car, that’s right.  “But I can’t get it.”  Yeah, you can see it but you can’t get it, and that is also determination.

Then, when you let the bad guys teach you something, what did they teach you?  “It taught me that -doing bad things to bad people is bad.”  Wow!   How did it teach you that?  “By doing something bad to me after I did something bad to it.”

Oh, so you got to feel how it feels like when someone does something bad to you.  You knew that it was bad, even if you were bad, to have someone do something bad to you.

Wow, that is a powerful lesson, Josiah.  You are a good teacher.  “The bad guy even didn’t teach me that, I just thought it.”  That is right, you are learning how to think and you are learning how to accept the energy that is inside of you, and learning how to think with great power.

I told you that I didn’t want to hear stories about bad guys because it is not healthy to run away and to fight bad guys inside of you, and I only want to hear the story after you accept the bad guy because the bad guy is your power inside of you.

The bad guy taught him a powerful lesson that he was able to think for himself, that doing bad things to bad people is bad.  Straight from the mouth of a 5-year-old child.

Shemmesh!  AAAAAhhhhhhh.  Shemmesh  wrote a song today, we are calling it the song of determination.  “What does determination mean?”  Determination is the same thing as patience, but it is being patient while you are finding what you are looking for, and you never ever give up.   “AAAhhhhh (shemmesh)”   AAAAAAhhhhhhhh.

“Papa, I found but I can’t get it.  Be patient till you can get it.”  You found it but you can get it.  Did you ask Shemmesh to help you?  “No.” Well you can try to ask him to help you.  He has little hands, he can reach it.  Show him it and I bet he’ll just get it himself when he sees it.  “Baby! Baby! Baby!”

Alright, let’s go together.  Shemmesh, let’s go find it!  Let’s see if the baby theory holds true.

Papa is getting up to look at the rocks with Josiah.

Baby let’s go look at the car.  “I’ll show you where it is.”  Oh, that is too far for the baby to go.  “Baby:  Up, Papa.”  Yeah, you want to go up?

“Down there.”  Yeah, in between the rocks.  “Down!  There!  That hole!”  Holy cow, you said it was a tiny hole.  It looks pretty deep down there.  We’re not going to let Shemmesh down there.  “But he is bigger than it.”  Well, if he is bigger than it, then he will get stuck.  “Why?” Because he has to be smaller than the hole just like you in that hole right there.  You are smaller than that hole and that is how you fit through it.  “Baby:  Hole?” Yeah.

Well, I wonder, do you know what we can do, Josiah?

“He is thinner than it and he is bigger than it so he can poke his head out?”  Oh, you mean taller than it, yeah.  I don’t see the car yet.  “It is in there!!”  Yeah, do you know what that car is made out of? “No.”  Metal, probably steel, and you know it might be the right kind of metal that sticks to magnets.  “We should get a magnet.”

Yeah, if we get a really strong magnet and tape it to a stick, we can probably run the stick down in there and then the car will stick to it, then you pull the stick out.  Want to go make that and come back?  I think that is the safest way to get your prize, what do you think?

“No, I want you to get it with your own arm.”  Look what my own arm is holding.  “Oh, you can set baby down.”  No, I’m not going to set him down on these rocks.  If he sees me climbing up in these rocks he is going to be afraid because he doesn’t want me to get hurt.  He doesn’t understand like you do.  “You can put him over there.”  Yeah, but then I have to stay over there.

Josiah, part of being patient means using what you have.  Being resourceful means using what you have, and if you don’t have what you need, then to be patient means that you need to take another step to get what you need, meaning to build what you need.  I gave you a good idea for something you can build.  Even his stick right here could help you, especially if you tape a magnet to it.

“Or stick a magnet to it.”  Well, magnets don’t stick to wood.  “Magnets stick to magnets, and stick to metal.”  That is right, so if you found a metal pole that the magnet can stick to that is even easier, so we don’t have to find tape.  “I need help finding a metal pole.”  Yeah, we can probably find one in the dumpster, actually.  “And then we can climb back up here.”  Yeah, let’s go!  “Yeah!!!”   Yeah!  “Then I can get it by myself!”  You can with the right tools, right?  “With the right TOOL!”

With the right tool, right.  And if you don’t have the right tool, you can create it.  You have the power to create.  You are a child of God.

“Papa, this is how I jump!”