Dreamt last night that I was in my old neighborhood growing up, Bessemer Street. I was there as a man, and just before I reached the block where my old home stood, I ran into two old friends – both adults now of course, and they were incredibly strong and powerful in their physique.

One of these men I knew less than the other, and I was suspicious that this one was the most enthusiastic to see me. He came up to greet me, and I was standoffish.

Next thing I know, after a brief cut scene of a struggle on the sidewalk, I am held captive in a house nearby – by this enthusiastic old friend… I force myself to wake up, as from a nightmare.

I go through my Saturday, with this dream on my mind.

Real life: When I was 7 years old, in this neighborhood, two older kids age 12 and 17, took me and held me captive for 4 hours. I was molested, whipped, and half-drowned. If a passerby hadn’t noticed and threatened to call the police, I might not be here to tell this tale. So this dream, in a sense was a direct reliving of that very real nightmare when I was a boy. Facing men more powerful than I, and overpowered by their hateful intent.

I thought more and more about this, and despite this connection and perspective, something was still not right.

I was laying down in the afternoon with Shemmesh (age 8 months), and the one thing that stood out from this angle on the dream was the fact that this suspicious man in the dream was characterized by joy, enthusiasm, and rekindling of friendship. I thought about how happy the man in the dream was to see me, and how “captivating” he was (he wasn’t going to let me go) – and I realized that this man could be none other than a part of myself that I had disconnected from. I had work to do.

I fell asleep with my son laying next to me – making every infantile attempt to resist falling asleep – so after awhile I laid in a way that just created a natural barrier for him and let him play until he finally did fall asleep. Falling asleep consciously, over a long period of time, together.

I went back to my dream with one intent, to see what this man was trying to offer me.

I decided to trust, and follow the dream with a different attitude towards this guy.

What was different?

New Dream:

I was in my old neighborhood growing up, Bessemer Street. I was there as a man, and just before I reached the block where my old home stood, I ran into two old friends – both adults now of course, and they were incredibly strong and powerful in their physique.

One of these men I knew less than the other, and I recognized him from last night that this one was the most enthusiastic to see me. He came up to greet me, and I stopped and looked him in the eye, noticing my home behind him, the horizon behind him, and everything about my life growing up.

I opened my arms, tentatively, and the enthusiastic old friend steps in between them, embracing my body for just a moment – and abruptly steps back, just an arms distance apart.

I’m about to get suspicious again, but his energy is undeniably trustworthy at this point – and a healing is brewing inside of me.

My old enthusiastic friend raises his left arm, fingertips to my sternum, elbow just a little higher than his wrist which is exactly straightened against my chest. His eyes are intense, then he somehow changes dimensions, his hand becomes see-through like a spirit and slides into my chest, through my left shoulder and down my arm. This powerful and joyful man turns his back into mine and slides his right arm down mine as well. – Almost like wearing a coat!

This guy comes up, wears me like a coat, and I feel completely reunited with a joyful, enthusiastic, and loving part of myself that has been ‘gone’ for oh so long.

I feel a return of my own enthusiasm and zest for life.