The other night my dream started in a forest setting.  There were all these crazy people running around in superhero costumes.  I laughed because the place was full of people, and not one of them was dressed normally!  It was like a marvel comics fan convention, and the whole forest was full of Spiderman impersonators.

I decided there had to be a real super hero hiding in the crowd somewhere, like a needle in a haystack.

The way I went about discerning the real from the pretend was to go up and try to take off all their masks.  I removed a half-dozen masks, then came across a guy who’s mask wouldn’t come up.  His whole head felt like a rubber action figure – just one solid piece.  Somehow this verified that this guy was real, or at least not pretending to be something he was not.

This Spiderman then took me for a little journey away from the crowd, until we reached a very strange animal.  It was a huge dog-like mammal whose shoulders stood as high as my chest, but he was built long like a dachshund – and with long white hair.  Very strange.  The hero showed me how to behave in a way that the animal would obey and respond to.  It had to do with posture and touch – but only in certain places.  Then animal was in line and responding to command.

So I followed the Spiderman figure, and the crazy giant dog followed me.  Until that time that we entered a doorway arch, mortared into a cinderblock wall, which was essentially a walk-out basement to a house above.  The hero disappeared into the dark basement, and the long hairy beast then morphed.  He walked beside me as though he were upright instead of being so long and horizontal, but he wouldn’t fit through the door, so his head transformed into the head of a flamingo.  The avian neck curled onto itself and layed itself easily onto the hairy shaggy body and I looked in disbelief at the flamingo-headed upright dog that walked beside me!!!!

My conscious mind could no longer handle the hilarity of the dream and woke me up.  The last thought I remember having was, “Hey… hero!   What do I do with this thing now?”

Dreamt last night that I was in my old neighborhood growing up, Bessemer Street. I was there as a man, and just before I reached the block where my old home stood, I ran into two old friends – both adults now of course, and they were incredibly strong and powerful in their physique.

One of these men I knew less than the other, and I was suspicious that this one was the most enthusiastic to see me. He came up to greet me, and I was standoffish.

Next thing I know, after a brief cut scene of a struggle on the sidewalk, I am held captive in a house nearby – by this enthusiastic old friend… I force myself to wake up, as from a nightmare.

I go through my Saturday, with this dream on my mind.

Real life: When I was 7 years old, in this neighborhood, two older kids age 12 and 17, took me and held me captive for 4 hours. I was molested, whipped, and half-drowned. If a passerby hadn’t noticed and threatened to call the police, I might not be here to tell this tale. So this dream, in a sense was a direct reliving of that very real nightmare when I was a boy. Facing men more powerful than I, and overpowered by their hateful intent.

I thought more and more about this, and despite this connection and perspective, something was still not right.

I was laying down in the afternoon with Shemmesh (age 8 months), and the one thing that stood out from this angle on the dream was the fact that this suspicious man in the dream was characterized by joy, enthusiasm, and rekindling of friendship. I thought about how happy the man in the dream was to see me, and how “captivating” he was (he wasn’t going to let me go) – and I realized that this man could be none other than a part of myself that I had disconnected from. I had work to do.

I fell asleep with my son laying next to me – making every infantile attempt to resist falling asleep – so after awhile I laid in a way that just created a natural barrier for him and let him play until he finally did fall asleep. Falling asleep consciously, over a long period of time, together.

I went back to my dream with one intent, to see what this man was trying to offer me.

I decided to trust, and follow the dream with a different attitude towards this guy.

What was different?

New Dream:

I was in my old neighborhood growing up, Bessemer Street. I was there as a man, and just before I reached the block where my old home stood, I ran into two old friends – both adults now of course, and they were incredibly strong and powerful in their physique.

One of these men I knew less than the other, and I recognized him from last night that this one was the most enthusiastic to see me. He came up to greet me, and I stopped and looked him in the eye, noticing my home behind him, the horizon behind him, and everything about my life growing up.

I opened my arms, tentatively, and the enthusiastic old friend steps in between them, embracing my body for just a moment – and abruptly steps back, just an arms distance apart.

I’m about to get suspicious again, but his energy is undeniably trustworthy at this point – and a healing is brewing inside of me.

My old enthusiastic friend raises his left arm, fingertips to my sternum, elbow just a little higher than his wrist which is exactly straightened against my chest. His eyes are intense, then he somehow changes dimensions, his hand becomes see-through like a spirit and slides into my chest, through my left shoulder and down my arm. This powerful and joyful man turns his back into mine and slides his right arm down mine as well. – Almost like wearing a coat!

This guy comes up, wears me like a coat, and I feel completely reunited with a joyful, enthusiastic, and loving part of myself that has been ‘gone’ for oh so long.

I feel a return of my own enthusiasm and zest for life.

I dreamt that I was in a car dealership with some kind of burger joint splitting a lot. I was purchasing a new VW Beetle, and for some reason, my father was purchasing one for me as well, but I didn’t know it until I had ordered the specs on my vehicle. Halfway through the process, my vehicle was about to go through the assembly line and I was waiting. I spent most of the time in this dream either waiting for my car, haggling over details, worried about the dealership’s return policy, etc. I tensed up when I heard there was a 10% return fee on vehicles (at least $1000), but then relaxed when a different rep told me you have a 6 day free return period. “Great, then I can try both what I came up with and what my father came up with and choose the best.” Last stretch of waiting, burger and fries next door, then I returned to see the new vehicle. It looked like a geek squad car with a white body and black wheel walls and they promised to add more trim to make it look custom to me. Nice.

I take the car out and the terrain has shifted. The “driveway” of this place now has a huge halfpipe-looking crater in it, but my new vehicles wheels are very round and prominent and the body is short so I go for it. The wheels grab in all the right places down then back up this dirt halfpipe and I’m out of the dealership, only now I realize that my vw bug didn’t have any body at all, it is like an off road sand buggy.

I ride into the city and have to pass a pedestrian railed corner with steps, so I transform my off road buggy into a bike and head into a shopping district.

It was then that I noticed a line of 5 young guys on skateboards, all holding a large black fabric like an oversized sheet. They stopped and held the sheet up blocking the view to a line of 5 young men holding rifles and my panic set in. Every entrance to this shopping store, like a grocery store or something, was line with this rifle squad and sheet blocking the public view. The they opened fire and pedaled like no tomorrow, but always too slow, especially for bullets. I rode away as fast as I could, yet it seemed like there were less people running away then there were armed people participating in this thing.

I woke up with a feeling of fear, disgust, and shame at my priorities in the dream.

Some thoughts that I have had, as this dream is still “up” in my energetic experience.

One is the nature of time in this dream. It seems to be reversed. Things seem to be progressing from the future to the past in the dream. I am bicycling away from a violent grocery store scene, then dunebuggying, then receiving the item of desire. Not the car that I am impatiently purchasing for myself, but by giving time to take the proper order of things in universal creation, allowing myself to receive that which my father has prepared for me.

The mantra in my head is: “All things are given by God. All things are given by God.” The car to me represents my worldly power in a very specific form.

The insights on the grocery store scene so far are very biological. I am depressed over the weight gain I’ve abused/overly comforted myself with after the achilles rupture. And somehow, I created this disturbing grocery scene that I can almost feel physically in my stomach. The grocery store is my stomach, to me, and a very aggressive part of me is very angry about not being able to control “the comings and goings therein,” hence, the violence against the grocery patrons.

The message, and physical impetus I finally feel from this scene is some kind of fast or scaling back of my dietary choices or categories – the strength I have been asking for in regaining some self-control in the realm of food consumption.