I dreamt that I was in a car dealership with some kind of burger joint splitting a lot. I was purchasing a new VW Beetle, and for some reason, my father was purchasing one for me as well, but I didn’t know it until I had ordered the specs on my vehicle. Halfway through the process, my vehicle was about to go through the assembly line and I was waiting. I spent most of the time in this dream either waiting for my car, haggling over details, worried about the dealership’s return policy, etc. I tensed up when I heard there was a 10% return fee on vehicles (at least $1000), but then relaxed when a different rep told me you have a 6 day free return period. “Great, then I can try both what I came up with and what my father came up with and choose the best.” Last stretch of waiting, burger and fries next door, then I returned to see the new vehicle. It looked like a geek squad car with a white body and black wheel walls and they promised to add more trim to make it look custom to me. Nice.

I take the car out and the terrain has shifted. The “driveway” of this place now has a huge halfpipe-looking crater in it, but my new vehicles wheels are very round and prominent and the body is short so I go for it. The wheels grab in all the right places down then back up this dirt halfpipe and I’m out of the dealership, only now I realize that my vw bug didn’t have any body at all, it is like an off road sand buggy.

I ride into the city and have to pass a pedestrian railed corner with steps, so I transform my off road buggy into a bike and head into a shopping district.

It was then that I noticed a line of 5 young guys on skateboards, all holding a large black fabric like an oversized sheet. They stopped and held the sheet up blocking the view to a line of 5 young men holding rifles and my panic set in. Every entrance to this shopping store, like a grocery store or something, was line with this rifle squad and sheet blocking the public view. The they opened fire and pedaled like no tomorrow, but always too slow, especially for bullets. I rode away as fast as I could, yet it seemed like there were less people running away then there were armed people participating in this thing.

I woke up with a feeling of fear, disgust, and shame at my priorities in the dream.

Some thoughts that I have had, as this dream is still “up” in my energetic experience.

One is the nature of time in this dream. It seems to be reversed. Things seem to be progressing from the future to the past in the dream. I am bicycling away from a violent grocery store scene, then dunebuggying, then receiving the item of desire. Not the car that I am impatiently purchasing for myself, but by giving time to take the proper order of things in universal creation, allowing myself to receive that which my father has prepared for me.

The mantra in my head is: “All things are given by God. All things are given by God.” The car to me represents my worldly power in a very specific form.

The insights on the grocery store scene so far are very biological. I am depressed over the weight gain I’ve abused/overly comforted myself with after the achilles rupture. And somehow, I created this disturbing grocery scene that I can almost feel physically in my stomach. The grocery store is my stomach, to me, and a very aggressive part of me is very angry about not being able to control “the comings and goings therein,” hence, the violence against the grocery patrons.

The message, and physical impetus I finally feel from this scene is some kind of fast or scaling back of my dietary choices or categories – the strength I have been asking for in regaining some self-control in the realm of food consumption.