I am the truth. This means that my being is no longer separated between the inner and outer. What moves in my soul, moves in my words and deeds. I feel whole for the first time in my life. Around me is endless freedom and possibility.
Extending upon the foundation of a peaceful core – one then comes upon the nature of mental strength.
I am aware the tremendous waste of energy that my mind expels resisting what is and rejecting what I do not want to create in my life, rather than fully engaging my energies with what in fact I do want to create.
Such creation is revealing itself three-fold: Perspective, Integrity, and Perception. If these three inner factors are in place, for good or for ill – the outworking of creation cannot help but follow.
The Unity of Perspectives
Creation is of its very essence co-creation. A portion is emitted from me. A portion is emitted from you. And a greater majority is emitted from the underlying core of the universal reality that pulses in us all. To what degree am I attuned to that greater whole? Such is the nature of unity of perspectives.
The Integrity of Time
In identifying that which is the most fruitful direction of creation at this time, a transcendence of – unifying the nature of time is possible. One can cultivate the ability to place importance not just on this moment, but upon foreseeing the ripples of cause and effect. Let the foresight come in, revealing cause and effect, then cause and effect even 3 times outward in the pond of our ever-deepening relationships, in the realm of guessing how people will react or respond depending upon the nature of their particular mental filters and experiences.
In such a way, depending on my inner stillness, depending on the depth of peace within, clearing my ability to observe clearly – I can cultivate the ability to choose my creative words and behaviors in a truly skillful manner. Thus, there can then be a unity of my actions and the consequences thereof. There can be a unity of time that coalesces past, present, and future into one glorious moment of creation. This, to me, is integrity – a full integration of actions that are fully conscious of their consequences.
The Self-fulfilling Prophecy of Perception
The strength of my mind is wasted in negative messages about myself, playing like a broken record within. I find that my mental projections, like a record, can even spin around my being – then as soon as the blessed one comes into my field of energy, they are suddenly succumbed like a needle on the record – and cannot help but to reflect back to me my energy toward myself. How can I use this energy in positive ways? Consider the power of the following declarations, deeply rooted in holy perception, and expressing both the unity of perspectives and of time:
I am going to bless you in immense ways.
I am a blessing to your life.
I have blessed your life in the deepest ways, and may you carry them forward.
Sara needs to let go of comparing herself to others.
Sara is accepting herself more, and blessing everyone around her workplace.
Have you noticed how much Sara has become a new, immensely powerful being uniting Mother, Farmer, Manager and Friend?
I can invest my mental energy in ways that affirm the aim of my creation as having been already fulfilled three-fold past, present, and future. In this way it is possible to gain tremendous energy from positive declarations stated in the future-past tense.
David has taken his spiritual leadership to another level.
Have you seen how great Oren looks lately?
Josiah has really grown into a confident and considerate young man.
In this way, habits of thinking and right, clear use of observation and perception are in many ways all that is necessary.
I am blessed as I reflect back on the long line of amazing mentors that have appeared in my life. Mr. Kamiya, My neighbor Gail, My football coach Mike. Mr. Hailu. Melody. Uncle Mark. Mr. Mackay. Joda Doshi. Ingrid. Grace. Shocho Viviano. Soma. Thomas. David. I extend my heartfelt gratitude to you all, as well as to the host of inner mentors that have appeared in the dreaming realms.
One day, I recall the guidance coming from Grace: “Trust the inner voice.”
My response at the time: “Yes, but the voices within haven’t always been kind or trustworthy.” She nodded in supreme compassion, still penetrating my being with her gaze.
My uncle Mark is one of the most amazing beings I’ve ever known, and I’m so lucky to have had his influence in my musical and spiritual life. Recently Mark wrote as his daily affirmation:
Indifference to the voice of spirit is our choice. It is none-the-less a deficit when navigating the ocean of life. Today I will ask for guidance and then listen with all my heart, mind, and soul for the answers. Ask, listen, then leave it and go on with the day. The answers will come in a timely order. Those that can help will appear.
There was a time in my earliest years on the path, the resonant path opened by knowing my Uncle Mark when I was just 12 years of age, when the strongest part of my daily prayers were emphatic prayers for guidance, and then my day was spent like Sherlock Holmes – searching for clues from God in terms of response.
And yet, there were also a few years nearly a decade later, age 17 or so, when my prayer wasn’t as strong, and my head was swirling with confusion which showed up as dire consequences, then finally not trusting myself essentially.
So my response now, to Mark’s advise above is to return to my prayer again – thirsting for – needing the Lord’s guidance and welcoming it with all my being.
And, considering my time with Grace, I resolve to also spend some time considering how to recognize the voice of the true Spirit, the voice of the Holy Spirit, Holy Ghost, the true pulse of Spirit within.
How does one differentiate this essence, from other impulses that too often compete for attention?
Here is what I have come up with so far:
- Holy Spirit speaks softly – oftentimes injected in between random thoughts. It is in essence – holy thinking. The voice of Spirit doesn’t compete with outer compulsions. It just is, so the volume of listening, the attunement to source, has to be much greater than the chatter.
- Holy Spirit is just as concerned, if not more so, about the welfare of others in addition to oneself.
- The impulse of the Holy Ghost almost always involves a sense of risk to the ego, a stretch of whatever one’s notions of self-limitations are at the time.
- The true voice within never tells the whole story nor jumps to conclusions. If it’s message is recognized, it nearly is always metaphorical or incomplete in its first transmission – whereby an exertion of contemplation – the extension of outer mental energy is needed to complete the circle.
- The fulfillment of what has been called by the Holy Ghost almost always takes time to fully fulfill – so much time in my case, that I risk forgetting what my true objective was when setting out to do it. I don’t know really how to overcome this. Writing it down doesn’t serve the purpose – which is, action. The purpose of inner compulsion is God in action on earth. The best I can come up with is repetitive application of item 4 on this list. Contemplate it deeper and deeper over and over until the hidden message behind the initial impulse is clear, opening the path to Divine action.
This evening when I was driving home, just before I pulled in – a thought occurred of how nice it would be if the trunk were emptied of the items from 2 days before, as well as a brief forewarning if what life would be like if I continued to leave this undone. Who would then be forced to pick up my slack? All of the obstacles to actually getting this done, and remembering to actually get back to doing it before I forget lined up like a row of linebackers in my path. It took time. But circling back around and fulfilling this action was what prompted this meditation and the 5 points above.
My thy will, that of my highest self within, be done.
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
At the time of writing, auspicious winds are blowing for humanity, the children of the stars, the children of Divinity, children of Universal Love. A friend of mine recently quoted, “they say that bad things all happen at the same time. Now I know that so do good things.”
Bolstered by the creative energy that is present, many of my goals for change are coming back into view. And yet I can’t but help continue to reflect on my assertions and observations about people – that most often the solutions to problems are none other than the seeds for the problems of tomorrow.
Is it really enough to have the courage to change the things I can? There are many problems in my life that I do have the power to change, yet I believe in doing so would ultimately be a disservice to myself and others, especially in trying to rescue people from their burdens.
Understanding breeds empathy. Yet, truly understanding others shouldn’t necessarily lead to our jumping to deal with the surface level of what they are expressing.
I was observing my 16 month old son getting upset in his stroller. His frustration gradually built up to the point that he hit his head with a gentle thunk on the side of his carriage. I asked myself what it was he was really upset about? Ultimately, I believe he really wanted to be out of the stroller – and so created for himself more problems in being there.
I believe that human habits of behavior are the same: to unconsciously create “surface” level problems to gnaw at incessantly Our surface problems, or surface addictions, point to the deeper reality calling for wholeness. They should only be treated as such, and the temptation to mull around solving surface level problems avoided as much as possible.
Deeper and deeper we can layer the depth of acceptance, as one layer of problems is uncovered then another – without actually needed to cull anything to solve them. I pray for the kind of clarity to know the depths of wholeness until the ultimate causal reality can be reached.
In writing, I resolve to be creative with the beauty that is emerging from me. I resolve to accept the things in my life that I don’t necessarily like, and in doing so, gain the deeper clarity to know what my true problem really is. Then the solution is readily apparent and effortless or not, it will be done.
Only in knowing, having the clarity and focus upon causal reality, can true evolutionary change really be enacted upon my life patterns. Anything else is just like a mouse on the wheel, a dog chasing his tail, or any other metaphorical wheel spinning that doesn’t have the power to carry momentum onward toward the cosmic whole, toward true inner wholeness.
This, I believe, is the meaning of the phrase: “The Peace That Passeth Understanding.” There is a peace that surpasses understanding. The prince of peace is within. Peace is in reach, and no meaningful change can exist without peace. Peaceful clarity. Peaceful acceptance. Peaceful progress towards true fulfillment. This is my prayer for today.
I extend peace into my world.
Here is the basic question: What do we do when our dreams are larger than our means to achieve them? This is a fundamental life question, a realistic one given the economy, and also a key to child raising.
When I was 8 years old or so, my parents sat us kids around the table to make up a wish list for the holidays. When it was my turn to answer the question of what I wish for, my eyes lit up and I gushed out “A Lamborghini!” An uncomfortable silence ensued, and I suddenly felt a twinge of shame. Perhaps my request was completely unrealistic. Sure enough, the holidays came and went, and I don’t remember any of what was offered in celebration, but it had nothing to do with any Lamborghini.
This shame, a sense of having imposed on my parents with an unrealistic wish has stayed with me in some sense through to adulthood. How could I have not known how unattainable such a thing would be to the average family? However, now having sat with that question for a number of years, I have a different answer.
To an 8 year old, how much can they really know about what a Lamborghini is? Can they drive one? They certainly can’t afford one. At the time, all I knew was that it was a super cool super fast race car. I didn’t even really know what they looked like if you told me to choose one from group of race cars.
It was super cool. It was super fast, and it excited me to think of its power. Cool. Fast. Powerful. That was the energy I needed at the time, and was not provided. Energy and the meaning behind the forms of our wishes are the true gift, and they are not limited by any lack of material resources. If my parents had at the time offered a Lamborghini matchbox car, a Lamborghini shirt, race car pajamas or anything that provided the ENERGY I was looking for, I would have been fulfilled.
So, to my inner child I have offered all kinds of SYMBOLS of what a Lamborghini is. I have dressed that little boy in race car clothes and given him little things to play with that are super fast and super powerful in his eyes, and VOILA! My childhood is completely healed (with a smirk!)
So in my parenting, I resolve to be cognizant of the intangible energy behind the sometimes far flung stories and wishes of the little amazing beings around me. I am determined not to think in such a small minded way – that a child’s dreams are unattainable because I don’t have the money to provide it, because if I can provide a symbol of that wish and give them something to interact with in any way that fulfills the energy behind the wish, I will have done my job.
Now that I am writing, of course it is so clear that this strategy is applicable to the dreams of grown children – adults! Coming into adulthood has a way of squashing the childhood dreams out of the mind and heart. Failures, reality checks – or otherwise making decisions out of necessity rather than high thinking – take the enthusiasm away from fanciful imagination. But does it really have to?
I will spend some time thinking about my childhood dreams, and my adulthood dreams – all of the things I truly and deeply wish for in life. Then, I will find something to symbolize its fulfillment on a scale that is truly attainable and serve as a reminder of the reasons why I had dreamed such a wonderful thing. I will keep that reminder nearby and treasure it, that one day its energy will attract more of the right timings, people, places and opportunities to truly be real and truly manifest into reality, despite myself.
One brisk dusky nightfall about 4 years ago, I experienced a transfixion with the horizon. And took the time to follow it, taking advantage of an empty house to pursue the inner adventure, the inner communion with cosmic nature.
Standing straight, cool air on my screened in porch, sky now completely dark. I stood straight, facing the western horizon.
My body started to make spontaneous taichi movements, as though I were communing with the western mountains themselves, the setting sun directly in its orange trails setting upon a distant land over the hump of the earth’s great tortoise shell.
My movements seemed to somehow pierce and play into the energy of this region, and move in tune with them like a flowing human instrument.
Senses heightened. Entering higher awareness.
“This is the place of devotion.”
Fixated west, I visualized all that I was devoted to, as well as where in my life the spirit, and the virtue of devotion needed work. I, as a small human, looked upon the eyes of the great parent deity “out there” with love and the desire to serve and the desire to be supported in “my” highest vision. In a timeless space, 15-20 minutes later perhaps – maybe more – when I felt complete, it was time to turn 45 degrees to the Southwest.
Knowing not what I was facing, but knowing something would come, my movements slowly greeted the Southwest, in my 45 degree rotation counter-clockwise and bid goodbye to the dark yet illuminated Western summits of Devotion and Vision.
Streams arising from the Southwest now, and moving with its energy – I felt angry, and shameful and forceful. Intensely focused, as though my hidden opponent were “out there” somewhere, the Southwest reflected in me, the need for my own inner warrior.
The inner mind radiated a single thought, the depth of which seems to fill the whole landscape upon which I stand.
Tenacity. My conscious mind echoed, body following the rigid and strong movements that can move mountains, that dig into the earth and do not budge in the ever-focused desire to push forward.
Push forward? I paused. The warrior evaporated into thin air. Push forward for what?
“Tenacity. For the Truth.”
Ah-hah. Now I had something to lodge onto. The warrior returned, rooted in the earth, pushing forward and digging in to pierce the heart of truth in my life.
“This is the place of Veracity.
Veracity is Tenacity For Truth.”
Filled with the fire of Tenacity, and observing the places in my life that I lacked in Veracity, I allowed the Southwest to come to completion and turned toward the South. Almost immediately, my perspectives on things changed.
Still continuing the spontaneous, taichi-like movements, my awareness was no longer just limited to my body, or even my screened in porch. Rather, it flowed outward on the gently respirating breeze – like wafting incense taking larger swaths the farther from its source.
My arms spread wide, feet rooted deeply in a wider stance, my awareness encompassed the block that I lived, then my entire neighborhood, then further and further in ever wider circles. The energy of the South was like playing with Google Earth. I could see so much at once.
The context of my exploration shifted to my life. My accomplishments were no longer just my own, they rippled outward and affected everyone around me for good or ill. It was overwhelming. It seemed there was no way to predict how things would land in every direction, like dropping marbles down a pinball chute and watching them collide and disperse. So did my energy disperse into the lives of others with every interaction.
And their energy fueled my existence as well. The shirt on my back, the plumbing under the city, the food on my table – all the unseen hands that had brought all of these blessing into my life were acknowledged and thanked by the energy of the Southern realm.
Then the context of expansive perspectives shifted to the realm of data analysis and statistics. Millions of bytes of data, millions of experiences of people, the lifestream of humanity all compiled into charts and graphs, growing in 2 dimensional planes like crystalline structures- showing trends, trends that can reliably make predictions about the future within a certain range of error.
The graph lines pulsed and grew and breathed in upward and downward trends over time, spread across grids depicting variables unseen. The power that was held here, the sheer breadth of human experience that was represented here, and the potential for improving human life was vast.
“This is the place of Expansiveness.”
Expansiveness. I thought of all the places in my life where my awareness lacked in expansiveness, like driving in traffic upset, not seeing the accident at the end of the road, nor the suffering of its inhabitants nor the service of the emergency crews.
Expansiveness. I thought of the ways that I could estimate all the data on my life into these kinds of charts and graphs, way more advanced than the slow mental calculator could ever achieve. If only I could consciously live in this place of instantaneous calculation and analysis.
For 20 more minutes, my body continued to move, as though my hands themselves were as large as several states on the map of the U.S. – and the place of expansiveness slowly came to completion.
Having just been focused on the Southern consciousness of expansiveness for 20 mins or so, doing spontaneous taichi-like movements, I was complete and bid farewell as my body rotated a quarter turn towards the Southeast.
Leaning into this region with my knee facing forward, my hands and wrists flowing outward into the Southeast, the energy seemed so quiet compared to the vastness of perspective I had just come from. My heart throbbed heavily, and its loving energy was awakened as my hands passed in front of it towards this place.
As I focused on my heart, a divine being seemed to rise from the Southeastern horizon. It was a woman, or womanly energy – flowing, succulent, beautiful and yet somehow formless or at least ever changing in form.
Tears of sadness seemed to press on my eyes for escape as I communed with this precious energy that so completed me. The divinely feminine energy responded and embraced every energy I projected, sending back loving energy and support. My heart opened further.
Suddenly, the femininity I worshiped in this place seemed less personal. I could truly see it as an extension of myself and less as some female form “out there.”
Then the thought occurred to me, “What If I were a fully feminine-embodied woman communing with the Southeast? Would I not surely be in communion with divinely masculine energy?” Then my higher mind responded, its thoughts pervading the atmosphere with complete presence like a booming microphone from every atom in my vicinity.
“This is the place of Male/Female Balance.”
Ahhhhhhh….. a great exhale of relief as my conscious outer mind released in the presence of such a powerful thought, my body seemingly naked and alone as I danced in the night without a thought of my own. Body, heart, sky, mountain, breeze, moon, movement – all elements were just together in peace and at the time I had no thoughts to describe any of it.
Male and female balance. Yes. The mind activated again, now riding on the guidance of this place. I reflected on my current relationship at the time – its dysfunctions and the imbalanced energy that emerged from both parties when together. I reflected on all my past relationships, and how when I was presented with divinely feminine counterparts I was unable to love and embrace them in the divinely masculine way that filled them best. Every face that I ever loved and worshiped was suddenly passing before me all with glassy eyes and open hearts, searching mine – all seemingly asking:
“Why couldn’t this love last? Why couldn’t this love last? Why couldn’t this love last?” My answer was different for every face.
When the faces of lovers had passed, then they started again from the beginning. The eyes were happier, the hearts lighter. The question now seemed to come less from them as from a deeper part of me:
“How is this person’s love still blessing my life? How is this person’s love still blessing my life? How is this person’s love still blessing my life?” My answer was different for every face, and I was filled with joy ever more with each response.
When the last face passed, a single thought occurred: “How is my love still blessing the destinies and circles of their life? Of her life? Of her life?”
I couldn’t know or fathom the answer to “How.” So the question rephrased itself: “Is my love still blessing their life?” Affirmatively, a smile drew upon one side of my closed mouth, breathing more deeply and relaxed now as I reached out with my knee leaning toward the horizon as though I could reach and bring it closer with every swoop of my hands.
Then all the ways I may have hurt them, always on the back of my mind before, but now directly at the forefront were presented and embraced with compassion. Most importantly, the ways that I had run away from painful or hard times, seeing from this perspective how that situation could have been overcome, and how much more love would have been on the other side of distress.
And now the past seemed clear. There was peace. And yet my work with the Southeastern Male/Female balance was not yet complete.
The present, the future.
“What kind of masculine qualities can I bring?”
“How can I invite the divine feminine more into my life? How will I bless and sustain her when she does?”
These two questions shaped my inner life for the next half-decade. I was determined, not to run away, but to be still and bring what has to be brought until one of two things finally happen: the one I am with changes inside, or the one I am with changes naturally on its own. I resolved then and there that I wouldn’t be the one to “try” and make this happen. Everyday I took the time to retreat into my inner female goddess, and she carried me through the hard times. She embraced me when the one before me could not, and after many years and a direct visit through inner ritual, everything in my life rearranged itself according to this new inner reality.